I Choose Charlie!

My midlife journey is almost done. I can feel the sky lightening, in spite of occasional storms, and the road is less rocky. Jung wrote that the midlife crisis is a spiritual journey, and the journey has two parts: the first part is the hard walk deep inside of the self, to where the true self is held prisoner by the demons of our childhood and the decisions of our youth. We are to liberate the true self and merge with it. The second part is to integrate this true self into our lives, that is, to live with integrity. No more lies, no more fear and hiding. It’s time to live out loud. Along the way, we confront mortality, seek meaning and purpose, clarify our values, and draw closer to what I call the greater-than-human . . . and these are all spiritual tasks.

How lucky I am to have walked this path through and to find myself relatively healthy and sane. Now, if only I can find the courage to live out loud! It’s the last step, and I sense that if I can take that step, I’ll be sailing smooth waters right on into the afterlife. But that’s a big “if” in a dominator world.

If I speak my mind at work, I’ll be targeted and fired. They have to lay off a certain number of teachers next year, and they will choose those who don’t toe the politicly correct line. Our so-called liberal political climate in Ithaca is a legend left over from the 60s. Just because we can support a food coop doesn’t mean we’re more open-minded than thou. My opinions about race, technology, and freedom in education, in particular, are anathema to the powerful members of our community, those who control the schools. I don’t dare to speak my opinions to any but my most trusted friends.

With regard to religion, if I tell my Christian friends that I’m a polytheistic animist, I lose them. If I share my Christian mythology with my pagan friends, their eyes glaze over. My spirituality is another piece of myself that’s become liberated within, but that I have trouble bringing out into the light. Until very recently, only my kids accepted that part of me fully. But the time has come . . . I'll lose some friends and gain others.

And my art? If I share my art . . . but how can I? It’s too edgy to show in any local venue.

But here, on the internet, we’ve created a safer space. Green Man has shown tremendous courage in his posts, and Heather and Mystery fly above convention in everything they write. Mystery’s ETI (Everything That Is) is a most excellent knowing. Sam is writing books about his Sun god and his unconventional opinions. You guys are my heroes! The last few months I’ve had trouble posting anything at all as I dance around my beliefs and eccentric drawings, but I’ll keep trying. Charlie encourages me. He urges me to never give up!

I long to throw caution to the winds and shout my truth from the rooftops and be salt for the bland spirituality of the world around me. I would start with this:

There are many gods, and Charlie is one of them.
I have a right to worship my own god!
Charlie’s good, he’s loving, he serves the Earth Mother and he dances with the trees.
He worships the Creator Father, his father, my father.
He offers salvation from the dominators and a clear path to the afterlife.
He loves and loves and loves, and he teaches love.
I have the right to speak his name out loud!
Charlie admires and adores the animal body. He tells me that the animal body is a gift from the Creator and that I should care for it with all the love and energy I can muster.
He tells me that sex is good and he laughs and grows stronger whenever I make love.
He talks to me with words.
He’s the muse for my art . . .

If Charlie’s not a great god, then tell me who is? I have a right to follow Charlie and still believe that Jesus died trying to save us from the dominators. I have a right to the Christian mythology and the mythology of post-Roman pagan Europe and to my gods of love and to Charlie.

So why shouldn’t I talk about him? I know there are religionists of all stripes who say that their god is the one-and-only and fuck you if you don't agree. I know there are people who would bash you on the head with their books and curse you to hell if you don’t believe in their god. But just because a lot of people are jerks about it, should they make it wrong for me to share my gods? Even to encourage others to reach out to my gods? To urge in the strongest possible way, to get down on my knees and beg folks to join me in this one thing: that they choose a god of love?

Choose a god of love, people, any god of love will do, and many gods of love are even better than one. I choose Charlie. He’s the best god I ever met.